super quick update

My cousin's having a baby!

I got my money!

My camera should arrive at my mom's in the states by the 15th!

I have a new crush-boy!

Sarah and I are going to Amsterdam!

That is all...

bright side.

 Things are looking up since last post. I had a very... interesting... weekend, with some rather unexpected outcomes. I partied at a rave under a bridge (or, as Tracy aptly named it, a "Troll Rave")

Troll Rave DJ's.

Troll Rave Sunrise! 

The next day I partied at the Hochinstitut für Grafik und Buchkunst (in 2 words- art school.) The "HGB," as it's known, is a gorgeous building that looks like this inside, and like this outside. It's one of the oldest art schools in Europe, established in 1764. Their photography program is really super.

I had a class there last semester that I kind of stopped going to because it became apparent that I was at the time very much over my head in that I would have had to give a presentation (in German) on a DDR photographer. I could probably (maybe?) have done it this semester but now Tracy's gone I sort of lost the will.

Anyhow, on Saturday the students of the HGB held their annual shindig, and it was really super. The whole building was a great big partay. I hung out mostly with one of the Erasmus kids, Kaarle, and we had a grand ol' time.

 Both  Friday and Saturday "evening" ended around 6:30 or 7 the next morning. Hardcore party time. I couldn't agree more with that line in the LCD Soundsystem song called "North American Scum" about partying in Germany (well, namely Berlin but it really describes the whole country I think) "we can't have parties like in Spain where they go all night, or like Berlin where they go another night." However, although the parties generally DO go on for 2 nights in a row, I, being said North American Scum, am not quite accustomed to such debauchery. So six in the AM is generally enough for me. Despite my inability to party like a true German, ich hatte viel spaß gemacht. 


In other good news, I found out I should be soon to receive my TAP grant, and also a replacement for my DX3000. I feel like I'm missing an arm when I"m without my camera! It's painful. I have a little canon powershot digital elf, but once you've had your hands on a DSLR it's really depressing to have to go back. So I'm eagerly awaiting both of those things that will ostensibly improve my quality of life in my remaining time in Germany.

Also I've got loads of work to do for Uni, including a Referat (oral presentation) for my Konversation class. I decided my topic will be DDR photography, since I did attend that class back in the Fall, at least now I can make it count for something!

time to get sad.

i try to be bright and sunny all the time. cheerful and optimistic. loving and giving.

but right now, just RIGHT NOW, i feel like i could really use a cry.

don't know when the last time was i had a cry. i don't do it often. but it just might happen tonight.

this feeling is stemming from something embarrassing, something i'm not going to write about here because it's silly and in the long-run will prove to be meaningless.

however, out of the angry, frustrated feeling about that silly thing come more frustrated, angrier feelings about myself and my life and the use of my time.

the internet is a big place, and lots of information can be found here. including job postings. job posting that are inevitably frustrating and sad. there were something like 6 postings for art teachers in new york city. six. 1.2.3.4.5.6. there are over 8 million people living in new york city. and there are 6 jobs posted for art teachers.

a quick, superficial search for 'teaching english in germany' was similarly discouraging, but mostly in that it yielded results for teaching english to adults. i'm not interested in that in the slightest.

also, i looked for apartments in buffalo for when i get back in august. i know that's a bit of a ways off for apartment searching, but still the pickings on craigslist were slim which just served to make me feel more frustrated and disappointed. not to mention that i won't have any way to actually afford an apartment, should i actually find one that's suitable.

then of course there's my angry frustrated feeling of NOT KNOWING A DAMN THING. i have been studying art history for years, i love to read, i've learned a second language pretty well, but none of that makes me feel prepared to actually LIVE A PRODUCTIVE LIFE. i don't feel like i have anything to offer society. and that's a bleak and empty feeling.

sorry for the bummed out post, hopefully i'll be back to my regular happy old self soon but as of now...
it's just sadsville.

die füße

down by the sea.

This morning it was hot. H.O.T. hot. Sunny, cloudless blue sky, pressing humidity. Despite my konversation teacher's warning yesterday about a Gewitter (thunderstorm,) I thought I could really use a trip to the beach.

I felt that I especially deserved such a treat after the 45 minute disaster that was me trying to teach German 5th graders about the "simple past tense" in English.

So after I got home, ate lunch, washed up some dishes and checked some emails, I got ready for an afternoon in the sand. I packed the newest issue of Neon magazine, put a few new chuuunes on my Droid (most notably L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. by Noah and the Whale) shoved a banana in my bag and headed off to Markleeberger lake ≈≈≈≈≈≈ in my red Wendy Pfefferkorn bathing suit (bathing suit = Badeanzeug, thank you ubiquitous H&M ads.)

When I arrived at the beach after a 15 minute bike ride, I was a bit disappointed at the lack of space under the few trees- even though I am a fervent lover of beach-time, I have some skin issues and shouldn't really be in direct sun too much. However, since all the shady spots were snagged, I somewhat reluctantly laid out my blanket on a square of sand and laid down in the full sun.

I took a look around me, as I am want to do, and saw the unavoidable naked and/or half-naked bods.  Now, I totally understand and accept the German concept of freie körper kultur (free body culture) but when you're a naked 65 year old couple and you suddenly decide to start playing football on the beach, well, I feel like at that point you're just messing with us.

As it turned out, I didn't have to endure naked kicking sports for too long, because after about 20 minutes or so  the sky began to turn an ominous blue-black. I began to see streams of rain across the lake, so I packed up and cycled home, attempting to beat the storm.

I've been laying on my bed for a half hour now and still no rain. Although the thunder is starting to roll in.

I think the rest of today will be dedicated to re-watching the 1st part of the Doctor Who midseason finale, and finally watching the last episode. Might even squeeze in a nap, but after that comes...

PUB QUIZ!

Morning

This morning I woke up at 7:48 without an alarm clock and without any particular reason to do so. It felt amazing. 

I did some writing on the train...

My eyes are barely open despite a 10 minute bike ride from Bellvue to get the blood flowing.  It’s 7:45 am when I walk into the McDonalds in the Berlin Hauptbahnhof, and Best Coast is playing on the speakers. My thoughts inevitably shift to Tracy, and our Best Coast listening party, which unfortunately lacked the Flinstones champagne we intended to buy for it. The McKasserin asks me if I’d like my coffee big or small. We’ve been speaking German but her English throws me off so I say “Large” with a weird fake-German accent and immediately feel embarrassed. My mind is always fairly sluggish when switching between languages, but even more so when I’m hung over.

 I drank more than my fair share last night, between the lovely Becks Lemon (which, by the way, are no comparison to Bud Light Lime, my American summer beer of choice,) the Berliner Pils at Postbahnhof and the Tülpen at the “authentic” Berlin bar in Moabit that Peggy brought me to.

Last night the Tallest Man on Earth played at Postbahnhof in Berlin, and I’d been looking forward to it since December when Julia bought our tickets. What really sucks is that Julia herself didn’t make it here, but Peggy is an excellent best friend stand-in. She indulged me in yelling out random stuff during song-breaks, made me delicious breakfast and dinners, and even endured me speaking stilted German to her.

The show itself was fantastic, my only complaint being that he didn’t play longer, though in fairness he did play for about an hour an a half, which isn’t too bad. And he played the Dreamer, King of Spain, Thrown Right at Me, The Gardner and You’re Going Back, which are my absolute favorites. We missed the opening act which was disappointing in itself but also because we got there late we missed out on getting a good spot up front and we were pretty far back. I attempted to take a photo but it turned out rubbish so I made a couple of (also rubbish) videos instead.

(I didn't make this video, but I did find it on youtube.)

Now I’m on the train back to Leipzig, surrounded by gorgeous green German countryside. I wish I could just stay in Berlin but alas, it’s not to be. I do tend to miss Leipzig a bit when I’m gone, and now that I have a Fahrrad (thank you Annika!), it’s going to be even more awesome living there. I am already attempting to mentally prepare myself for the inevitable depression that will come when I leave Europe in July. Sadly, it just gets awesomer and awesomer here, therefore making it even harder to imagine leaving.